No. Actually, Vancouver Sucks.

Living in Vancouver is kind of a weird thing. I am constantly being told by friends and acquaintances from elsewhere how much they would love to settle down here. Frankly, I don’t see it. It rains, it snows, it rains some more, and booze is way too expensive. Maybe I am just snobby. At least, that’s what Shadi Bozorg believes. What is the problem with Vancouverites, anyways? Why can’t we just be happy living in a small city with poor transit and a lot of tourists? To be completely honest, I am down with that. But a lot of people tend to want to believe that Vancouver is much more awesome than it actually is.
Which is the problem with the following piece: most people are just too stubborn to accept the fact that the whole “Vancouver is great” discourse really shouldn’t be a discourse at all.

The Vancouver Complex
SOCIAL COMMENTARY | JUNE 18, 2013 BY SHADI BOZORG

Oh yes. I’ve got the bourbon out *cracks knuckles*, it’s time for a rant. (Fucking ouch, I really shouldn’t have done the knuckle-cracking thing.)
When I relaunched my blog, I was fully intent on staying away from the jaded-teenager-I-hate-the-world type rants and instead put up a drunken facade and talked about sex and general douchebaggery. But as the abovementioned piece is a completely inaccurate depiction of the place I have called home for the past fifteen years, I could not help but feel as if the author of this piece has fallen into the trap that is “alright team, let’s figure out how to get more viewers!”

Granted, Vancouver is great for landscape photography. But don't let this photo fool ya, because Vancouver girls also put on their bras one boob at a time.
Granted, Vancouver is great for landscape photography. But don’t let this photo fool ya, because Vancouver girls also put on their bras one boob at a time.
And before I even start, let two things be known. The first thing being I do not hate Vancouver. I love living here. But not because of the reasons the piece above is suggesting. In fact, I love Vancouver for all the reasons she does not suggest. All the shitty little things about Vancouver that I fucking hate on a regular basis: that’s home, and that’s what I love.

Secondly, let it be known that this is not some cheap below-the-belt shot to Miss Shadi Bozorg. I am not picking apart what is meant to be a obviously partial “social commentary” piece because Miss Bozorg is probably more successful a writer than I getting published regularly while I am stuck doing editorial bitch-work, or because the photograph in that piece makes no sense and does not contribute in any way, shape, or form to the point she is trying to get across. I am picking it apart because it was poorly written, in that it represents the narrow-minded experiences of a small minority of the populace (which include bougie hipsters/yuppies, people who agree with other people who have such opinions because all of their friends on Facebook do too, or because HOLY SHIT there’s a piece about MY city published on a local website!).

I am picking it apart because to have any real supposed snooty superiority “Vancouver Complex”, one must first accept the premise that there is something about the city that makes it better than all the others to begin with. And anybody with half a brain knows that this is not true. Which effectively means Vancouverites who think Vancouverites have a superiority “Vancouver Complex” are really just delusional, and those are the type of people that we should be worried about, and not the guy flying sixteen Canucks flags on his truck so everybody on the way to Tim Horton’s can see that he is a proud Vancouverite.

If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that this city is really fucking spectacular. Gorgeous is often an understatement. It’s a land of majestic wonder and exquisiteness. On any given day you can look out your window and find something to be in awe of. It seems that there’s beauty in every single corner.

Great opening, but uh, fuck no. I do not know what you have been smoking (hook. that. shit. up.) but I do not look out my window every morning and think I am living in a wonderland. On my one day off a week (Sunday), I am usually woken by the sounds of renovations or by the Korean family next door that let their kids out to play in the yard at nine-in-the-fucking-morning, where they will run around and scream and I will get fed up and scream at them from my bed and they will scream back and it is like a game to them and I am dying inside. On all other days I wake up with a cramp and go work ten hours a day to support my interests and lifestyle, and usually get so stressed out by the end of it that taking a look around for something magnificent and inspiring is not the first thing on my agenda, going home to get toxic and take a massive shit is. That’s right, Vancouverites have regular jobs and regular lives, just like the inhabitants of every other fucking city in the world that are supposedly second-tier to us. We do not live in a city of (much less “a land of”) majestic wonder and exquisiteness snorting pixie dust and hanging out with unicorns. Having to go to work fucking sucks!

Yes. Even in the best place to live in the world, you still get a lot of annoying neighbors.

We consistently rank high up on the list of most beautiful cities on earth. We’re known worldwide as one of best places to live. People travel across the globe to check out our mountains, our legendary parks and beaches – even our steam clock. We hosted one of the greatest Olympics of all time. Oh, and what’s that about Hollywood North? Fuck Hollywood. Hollywood wishes it was Vancouver.

The first time I read a piece saying that Vancouver was voted the most beautiful city to live in, I was standing at a grimy-looking bus stop getting cigarette smoke and cold air blown into my face waiting for the bus, which drove straight through without stopping and I had to walk down two blocks in the pouring rain to catch another one. This pretty much sums up most Vancouverite commuters’ morning experiences living in the most beautiful city in the world.

For ten months a year, this is what most people see on their way to work in the most beautiful city in the world. Also, as an interesting fact, Vancouver has a disproportionate ratio of convertible-vehicles-to-annual-rainfall. Like really? You’re going to go for the uglier, more expensive drop-top coupe just so you can use it like six times ever?

So, we have a couple of nice green parks and a nude beach or two. You can find that shit in Guatemala. And of course people travel across the globe to take pictures of a stupid steam clock that bums regularly pee on. They’re fucking tourists, it is literally what they do. It is the same thing as traveling to Hawaii to meet people who are not really locals but (seasonal) migrant workers and take pictures of stupid exotic-sounding-rainbow-colored booze that the natives there have never even heard about.

The Steam Clock. *dramatic “woooooooh”* Working just down the block, I personally hate this thing because I have to walk around all the tourists (and drunk Chinese girls coming out of Fabric just before midnight) who are waiting for the minute hand to strike 12 to take pictures of it going “Toot Toot Toot TOOOOOOOT”.
Also, our Olympics was a’ite. It was mostly just about more tourists taking pictures all over downtown and being told to go down another direction when they ventured a little bit too far into Hastings. The only thing it really did for me was give me two weeks off from classes, which was awesome because I just spent the time boozing up, having sex with my ex-girlfriend, and not really watching the games. I think our hockey team won though so Go Canucks Go!

And yeah sure, we have a view of the mountains, temperate climate, killer weed, and all that other good stuff. But we also have a way-below-par transportation infrastructure, so you cannot actually get to any of those great locations to do those great things before it gets dark and rainy and miserable out. Our bridges and roads are old and narrow, and our dickhead tree-hugger city officials are flirting with the idea of further narrowing the bridges for a “green way”. The most recent bridge we had rebuilt had like two weather-related closures within the first month of operations or some shit like that. Also, I would like to point out that our “it costs $80 million to run annually” skytrain system runs its last train from downtown at 1:16 AM, including on Friday and Saturday nights. People are always bitching about the economy, well keep the trains going for another hour and keep the fucking restaurants and bars and entertainment open for another hour. Am I seriously the only one who has thought of this?

Doesn’t look too impressive now, does it? That color scheme is SO 1985…
Lest this piece turn into a political rant (which are really fucking boring because I did four years of that shit and I would know), for the sake of argument let’s just say our politicians do dick-all. Which is really only marginally important as an impartial statement because only about a quarter of our residents actually bother voting. And also, the free healthcare thing? My friends south of the 49th, you aren’t missing out on all that much. It becomes increasingly evident the longer you have lived here that the only reason our healthcare is “free” is because the services are so awful that nobody would pay for them if they weren’t. Also, our citizens trash the city whenever we lose a hockey game.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there aren’t tons of rad people to meet in Vancouver, because there are. There are millions. Meeting them is the issue. Vancouverites tend to be unapproachable. This happened when we let our city overcompensate for our communication skills. Everyone feels inclined to stay within their tight-knit circles. We’re more of a meet-people-through-friends-of-friends rather than a meet-people-through-random-interactions kind of city. Making eye-contact with strangers in public will usually get you a “What the hell are you lookin’ at, weirdo?” response rather than a “Hey, neighbour!”

Also, Vancouverites tend to be unapproachable? No. People with smartphones tend to be unapproachable. It does not take a genius to figure out that when you have a (substantially large) population who would rather be taking pictures of food to put on Instagram or playing Words With Friends with the person sitting across the table from them as they wait for the food to arrive, than have an actual conversation about something, that people tend to be a little hard to approach. It is not rocket science. When was the last time you saw two complete strangers (homeless people do not count) strike up an interesting conversation about anything that is too long to put into 140 characters? NEVER. Because nobody gives a shit about what anybody else around them is doing because they are all busy scratching their balls or looking at their phones. This is not a Vancouver thing. Thanks for pointing out the most obvious trend in the past five years EVERYWHERE.

Long story short, people who believe there is this intangible “Vancouver Complex” probably just watched too many Molson commercials. Or they are just really proud of the weed they are selling. Either way, it is stupid and slightly degrading to the city I call home. I would like to think that my neighbors and I know something sucks when we see it, and that we choose to live in Vancouver despite of that. Because despite having to tread through some form of precipitation ten-plus months a year to get from place to place on a shitty transit system and having those stupid fucking five-year-old kids next door that I will probably snap and beat up one day, I put up with it because it is what it is.

As I have said. I love living in Vancouver. And I for one, can say that I do not have some snobby superiority complex as a Vancouverite. Nor does your average Vancouverite. And you know why? Because Vancouver fucking sucks. This city sucks in just as many ways as other cities suck. And it is constantly finding creative ways to suck. But it is home, and if home happens to have blue skies and green mountains (and delicious weed), then that’s cool. That’s wonderful. But it does not change the fact that having to shovel the driveway is a fucking stupid exercise that should be abolished by law altogether. The government needs to just give us all snow blowers. Fuck yeah!

Yeah, I am probably drunk.

 

-vH

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50 thoughts on “No. Actually, Vancouver Sucks.

    1. Well I don’t know about “rat’s nest”. Interesting anecdote: the actual rats in downtown Vancouver actually live a pretty bangin’ lifestyle. Those little fuckers are crafty. And fat.
      But overrated it is.

      -vH

    1. I am born and raised in this “city” and hate almost everything about this over rated hell hole. It is basicaly just full of yuppies and street skids. Yuppies walking around in Yaletown talking to their poodles and the street skids pushing a shopping cart talking to themselves. Then there are all the Casucks suporters wearing those stupid fucking jerseys every other god dam day for the hockey game that never seems to end EVER…………Christ get Me out of here!!!!

      1. Up until quite recently, I had to wake up every day to the gigantic Roberto Luongo poster plastered on the side of our stadium. They ripped it down after he was traded and I could not possibly be any more indifferent towards anything I had just said up to this point.
        Oddly enough, in the fifteen plus years I’ve lived here, I have never been inside that stadium. And also, the building I currently live in right now used to be a large gravel parking lot for a grocery store (that is still there). And my father would always park in the handicapped spot to save us a few steps, because people didn’t care back then.

        Back to you, Scottie.

        -vH

    2. I do not know a single thing about Hope.
      Only that it is always the last city to appear on the highway signs that tell you how far away you are from cities such as Hope.

      -vH

      1. Hope is just full of hillbilly’s with zero education and are in turn hopeless. It will be East Van in 20 years….LOL

  1. Then move if you hate this city so much – I am sure everyone would be happier to know that negativity is leaving us

    1. I am sure I am in large part the reason the sun shines over this majestic land of wonders every morning.
      I am also rather sure you didn’t actually read the entire piece, dickhead Tyler.

    2. So fucking typical Vancouver. If you don’t like my shitty attitude then u should fucking move. Hey shot for brains. Change your fucking attitude and fucking smile and say hello to a stranger on the street. And get with the fucking program yoga pants, taupe top and big sunglasses don’t make u or your mama look hot, it makes you look oh so very fucking boring. Bring on the earthquake and let the waters rise.

  2. I think Vancouver sucks in a big, big way. Then again, Canada isn’t winning any awards by asking new citizens to learn the language and customs. The municipal government passes the buck as often as possible, so you’ll never get what you need, and unless you’re very connected in the health field, expect at least one doctor to really screw up a diagnosis and almost kill you. Ah yes, Vancouver; suck it!

  3. Excellently written writeup, doubts all bloggers offered the same content material because you, the internet is actually a greater location. Please maintain it up! cgefgedddbdg

    1. I can almost be positively positive that Johne510 is a spam bot. Nevertheless, he comes up with a splendid point, I am making the internet a greater location with my suffocating amount of cynicism and I will certainly maintain it up.
      cedogeegeefbg to you too, modest fan and good sir!

      -vH

  4. have you ever lived outside of vancouver?

    i’ve live in sf, la, nyc, taipei, and shanghai for a period of a year or more, and i honestly prefer sf and van over any other city i’ve been in.

    1. I have, in fact, lived in other cities for prolonged periods of time. And there’s nothing wrong with preferring Vancouver over anywhere else. I do too, it’s my home. The point, however, is the fact that Vancouver isn’t as great as every stuck-up dickbag fanboy claims it to be.

    2. Now I live in Vancouver but I’ve been living in Dundee (Scotland), Arbroath(Scotland) , London , Lodz(Poland) and Singapore and i have to say that i also don’t understand what the hype is about. In fact Vancouver seems to be the most fucked up and dirty place i have ever lived in. Full of homeless people and ugly buildings. Also health care isn’t free i have to pay for it every month :/ Why everyone says that health care is free in Vancouver? Health care is free for all residents in Europe. Here is not the case.

  5. WORST PLACES I HAVE EVER LIVED:
    1 VANCOUVER
    2 VICTORIA
    3 CALGARY
    4 HONOLULU, HI
    5 LONDON, ENGLAND

    BEST PLACES I HAVE EVER LIVED:
    1 ST. JOHNS NEWFOUNDLAND
    2 HILO HAWAII {BIG ISLAND}
    3 MONTREAL
    4 CUZCO PERU
    5 SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA {STAYED FOR SIX MONTHS}

    ANY QUESTIONS?

      1. Peruvian cocaine was great, lol {1997/1998} I just stick to good old Canadian over the counter pharmaceuticals now unfortunately….

  6. I grew up in Vancouver. Lived in the two other major Canadian cities (Toronto and Montreal), plus a European city. I was very glad to get out of Vancouver. I’ve often heard outsiders complain that Vancouver is unfriendly and clique-y. I had to take their word for it because I grew up there…. I had a network built in. But I have to say, things were much friendlier in Toronto… easier to meet people, young people were WAY more normal (i.e. friendly, less competitive, not afraid of each other and constantly comparing).

    It’s been a couple of years since I went back to Vancity (no desire to even visit) so maybe it’s changed. But from my experience growing up and living there, it’s not friendly and people are *extremely* self-involved. Not everyone, obviously, but every city has a tone. I never loved it even when I was living there, but as soon as I left and lived somewhere else, I knew exactly what had been missing. People are just friendlier in other Canadian cities. (And yes, it rains less).

    1. Nope. Vancouver is the same toilet is always was but now English is a second language. And Chinese aren’t racists. Just move a black family in next to one and see what happens.

  7. What is so great about Vancouver. The Mountains the Ocean who gives a Crap.. inanimate objects do not make a city great… people, culture , architecture, History DO… All which Vancouver sorely lacks..Lets compare these things to Paris or Rome…Vancouver is Laughable in comparison. you can walk in any direction in Rome and feel the History and culture just oozing out. I sat on the Spanish steps with a a gelato and watched the streams of people going by. Architecture in Vancouver..what a joke they ripped down everything the greedy developers could get there hands on. nothing was sacred. go in any direction in Paris and you can see the Notre dame, Sacre coeur or some kind of amazing building. and the food Outstanding…from the patisserie in Paris to the out of this world pizza in Rome. Let me not forget to all the Amazingly friendly Parisians who get us Numerous help with Directions and assistance. SO Vancouver before you say you are a World Class city..Please Travel to a actual city that is one. So suck on that LEMON…

    1. Paris has a giant rusty pylon in the middle of its city, Rome has the historic smell of pansexual gymnasiums where men dress up, beat their wives, then fuck each other silly. French people have their homemade baguettes stuck up their asses, gelato is overrated, and you really can’t make an argument for shit.
      But yes, Vancouver still sucks.

      -vH

  8. yeah, Vancouver does suck. the people in Vancouver are so mean, including the native Vancouverites, Chinese and Korean immigrants, etc. are so freaking rude. vancouverites are the meanest, weirdest, and unfriendliest people i’ve ever met. this freaking city is full of weirdoes and homeless dumbshits. it is just like stupid seattle. thirty more days, I am out of this toilet!

      1. Now come on vH…………He/She is on our side………so knock off the smarmy elitist fagot tone {Soooooo Vancouver by the way….} and cut people some slack. freezer has nailed it on the head. I am a native Vancouverite and I am a GIANT twat. I admit it.

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  10. Thank you for your candor, and telling it like it really is. I lived in Vancouver for 2 years, and left a few years ago (and glad to be gone from there). Vancouver suffers from the same malady that any ‘global village’ city the world over suffers from: it has become too popular, too heavily marketed for tourism and to boost the price of its real estate. Vancouver is NOT a liveable city, despite the many dumbshit ‘news’ articles claiming it is. Tell me: what is ‘liveable’ about a city where rents are $1,250/month for a studio apartment? Not including utilities? Where jobs are very, very few and far between? Welcome to Vancouver! Hope you brought a LOT of money my friend, because everything, EVERYTHING costs a lot of money: besides rent get ready for $12.00 six packs….$4.00 cans of refried beans (at Safeway Richmond, I am a eyewitness!), $4.00 loaves of bread (again Safeway where else?), and cars double the price of the exact same car south of the border in Seattle. Little wonder all of my neighbors in my flat would take week long vacations to Seattle….to shop….and shop….and shop some more: you see, the longer you go abroad on vacation (read that USA), the more of an allowance Canadian customs gives you before slapping you with a hefty customs import duty. I mean, why would you keep buying $14.00 six packs of Labatt’s in Vancouver when you can go cross border to Seattle and buy exactly the same six pack for $5.00? This is what I’m talking about, this is why Canada does suck: everything is over-taxed, over-priced: you are GOUGED by the system. Maybe this is why Canada has a more robust safety net than USA? Because you will be eaten alive financially speaking if you don’t have a decent paying job (at least $30,000 CAD per annum) in Vancouver. I used to teach English at an ESL school in Vancouver. There were a ton of Swiss business executives who came to that school. After traveling around BC for a couple of months they made up this joke about Vancouver and BC they told me at their last lesson: “BC in Canada stands for BRING CASH” because everything is so fucking expensive.” And for a Swiss business exec to say this about Vancouver lets you know unequivocally how fucking overpriced this rainy, damp place by the ocean has become.

  11. My husband and I grew up
    On the Coast, me 32 years and him, 36 and I can honestly tell you that I will never live there again because it’s NOT worth the cost and I don’t like the rain.

  12. I realize this bit off topic but its next to impossible to meet people or date a girl here in this city. The women of my age group from 27-40 bracket have some of the most insane expectations what they are seeking in their respective partners usually financial. If you are not Brad Pitt in terms of looks and salary then don’t bother dating here either. I am born and raised here so like a couple posters I also feel exactly the same way about the rain. I also a prefer a dryer climate. So to any one who says “then move” among those lines, sorry that is not feasible at this moment in time. When the time comes I would consider doing so gladly.

  13. i have lived here all my fucking life
    fuck fuck fuck
    i hope someone drops a nuclear weapon right on me and blows it all up
    weather is awful the consistent rain and clouds. we are taxed to death most of the population fucken retards and people rate this place as great well get a life. nothing to do go climb a mountain fuck mountains ride a bike fuck that too.how much of that can you do before you get killed by some retard
    the medical is fucked takes too long to get in and by then your body is fucked
    great place to take pills because its so fucken depressing the media fucked here the news is fucked
    can’t afford to buy a god damn house because over prices housing bubble
    credit runs this place.i am sick of this fake view. cops are tasering and killing people and are full of shit liers no wonder there are fucken riots. this place is full of slaves to work pay taxes and take it up the fucken ass by the gov., police, no wonder there are people selling drugs and doing crime so they can live and make some cash because the system does not work its infected with self centered individuals this place is never going to amount to anything really special. too many people believing to many things oh ya lets bring in some more slaves that the previous slaves have to pay for good idea melting pot of shit.

  14. Vancouver, as of March /April 2016 , you can attest that these opinions of Vancouverites are true and through the roof. Sometimes it can a Great Banff boring holiday or a Killer Kelowna weekend country lake retreat or a Gulf of Georgia Richmond sans immigrantes from the Far East to learn what is the hatred and wretched truth about this valley by the mountain and seaside city, nope call it Metro Vancouver or Hong couver. I really enjoyed the really lazy forested Stanley Park, , and the Hollywood Scene of Downtown Vancouver, played by Mr Deadpool -mR ryan reynolds. and of course of Chinese Richmond by Lansdowne center, I certainly enjoyed the Big Canadian double Mac. Enjoyed the bargain shopping at Lansdowne Center- only Winners and Homesense were close to an American Bargain when we have Marshalls, T
    J Maxx and Homegoods back at south of the forested border. Helly Hansen is hard to find in California Stores. but I bought that at a Banff Mall. Well to the Vancouver hatred, the prices and food variety is too low except Tim Hortons= thats better than Mickey D’s. And too many Safeways and the Great Canadian superstore. except parking is not free and the cart too. There’s a Costco next to the River Casino but that’s too American -Well , what does Vancouver stand for- hi rise hipsters and trendy restaurants with eco touristy districts and over inflated housing pushed by the INVESTORS OF THE FAR EAST and such. No more spaces except bulid upward till its gets higher than Grouse Mountain and maybe the Capiliano Suspension bridge will replace those other bridges lacking in history and culture and friendliness and openness and most of all; affordability. Save yourself Vancouver= your future will be dimmed by too MUCH GLOOMness.

  15. Haha thank you for this. I was just feeling frustrated at the Vancouver non pet friendly market as well as the two racial combo ( white and asian)- there are like three black people that live here and one is my friend and is moving to a more racially diverse province. I’m over this place. Vancouver is like a supermodel with all looks no substance.

  16. You’re so right on this. I gave that place a chance by the week. I am a go getter. I’ll do what it takes to afford that extra rent. I’ll do what it takes until I can’t blame anyone. I can’t even blame myself. That city is fucked. I’m glad I got lots of photos over the two years I lived there. I’d say it’s a place to visit. I used to tell friends and family “cmon one more month I’ll be rockin. It’s worth it.” Then it rains for the entire month (where even if I was rich I’d be flying elsewhere).

    I loved that city but it fucking hated me. LOL. I can’t wait to visit it on the sky train but I have flown back out east and returning to another place in BC that I can sit inside, work from home, and not deal with this stale city.

  17. Only city on the planet that didn’t build expressways because a bunch of retard leftists cried about it in the 60’s. Enough said.

  18. We moved here from Dubai 2 years ago as my employer offered me “great opportunity to leave in the one of the most livable cities in the world”. Originally we are from Europe and spent some time in USA and Singapore as well. I hate every single hour spending in this shit hole called Vancouver and counting days when my visa is over so i can be transferred elsewhere. We leave in Downtown and pay 3.5k/month for two bedroom – it is noisy, bad quality building, people are rude and unfriendly around the block, including our neighbors. Food in Vancouver is very bad quality, most of the restaurants just cook shit and it does not taste as it should at all, all the places in Downtown are not kids friendly and people look at you as Nazi looked at Jews during WW2 like you are guilty just because you have kids and fucking bothering them. A lot of arrogant idiots driving expensive, noisy cars, eager to drive over you when you are not quick enough to cross the street, they can easily start horn or look at you with hatred. All services are bad quality compare to US and super overpriced, even fucking Christmas market had fee for entrance and then you need to pay inside as well for any single thing. Salaries are low though and most of the people are just frustrated all the time and look very unhappy. I find also them always passive-aggressive, all the time i sit somewhere in restaurant I can hear that people are discussing how Canada is great and liberal and how it is bad in US and rest of the world – what a fucking arrogance. No cultural life. Traffic is bad. Compare to Europe it is a complete shit hole and not surprise why people here love it – it is just a bunch of rednecks coming from prairies who never seen anything else in their life so they can’t even imagine how the world outside Canada looks like. And yes, I was in a queue for 10 month to get to a doctor and it was useless at the end of the day. Why I am paying 48.8% tax then if I can;t get a decent healthcare at all…

    1. yeah, I thought it was so nice to visit, but the atmosphere changed once you settled where you are, Im now here the the great O.C., expensive place for paradise but worth it if you know how to navigate.

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